I'm commited to working in this blog. In sharing the adventures I have as I venture into art, craft, life and healing from the deep scars of severe depression. I'm happy you're here looking and sharing in what is my small world.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Blogging along: Day 2

Holly turned me on to this: blog-along

Day Two: 29th March. Skill + 1UP

Look back over your last year of projects and compare where you are in terms of skill and knowledge of your craft to this time last year. Have you learned any new skills or forms of knitting/crochet (can you crochet cable stitches now where you didn’t even know such things existed last year? Have you recently put a foot in the tiled world of entrelac? Had you even picked up a pair of needles or crochet hook this time last year?

Tips: Don’t be abashed at admitting your own skill and progress. If possible, include pictures of projects that you gained new skills from.

So I’m joining in on day 2. I hope that’s okay!

So I haven’t really done much by way of knitting or crochet this past year. I was excited to pull up this blog as a way to share this but my focus has subtly shifted. I’m trying to think of what defined the past year and the biggest thing was it was about march last year when I heard from one doctor that nothing else could be done about my uterus, which was on something like day 100 of bleeding. I ended up having a hysterectomy in June. Despite being ready for it, I was still unprepared for the emotional impact. Even having already gone through an ablation…there’s just something so much more profoundly sad about having a part of your very identity GONE completely. I went through grieving. I am still grieving. I love babies and even though I’d convinced myself I didn’t want more….I choke up still and get upset when I’m around them. (and four of my coworkers are pregnant.) It’s so very final. I’m just 30 and that chapter of my life is closed.

This spun me back somewhat into a period of depression. Yes, I’m MOSTLY out of the worst of my depression (2008-09 being worse by far) but it’s an imperfect balance. I struggle still with hoarding tendencies and am still struck by the occasional panic attack. I digress however, what does any of THIS have to do with knitting or crocheting. It doesn’t. I just shifted focus this year to trying to do art in a different form to see if provided me with more emotional relief.

My most proud accomplishments for this years fiber arts remains becoming comfortable with crocheting. I’m proud of myself for this! I struggled and struggled with it and suddenly one day it just “clicked”. This is my one up skill and I hope to grow it further!

Friday, March 25, 2011

Dear Moleskine

I’ve been avidly following art journal blogs and youtube channels lately and everybody has kept telling me how wonderful the moleskine journal was. I hesitated and just kept listening quietly while I continued to work my Canson  XL Spiralbound Mix Mix Media notebook. Finally, I broke down and ordered you, a moleskine sketchbook from amazon.com. I have to say, Moleskine, that I’m a bit disappointed in my nearly $13 purchase. While your cover is a nice feeling, apparently waxed over leather like substance and the paper is a smooth sort of cardstock…I fail to appreciate the cost vs. benefit value of your product. I’ve posted previously in this journal about my first foray into book binding where I made a journal using used file folders from my office and I have to say…the file folders work JUST as well as your pages and cost me less than $3 for a new pack of fifty (enough to make about 6 of you…) The elastic strap you offer is nice but again..something I can replicate for pennies.

Why are people so enamored with you? Is it your famous presumed history? Your sewn binding? The not so secret pocket in the back? What is it about you that makes artists and writers everywhere swoon?

I don’t understand the mystique. I’ll use up the notebook I have and then return to my $6 spiral bound mixed media book. At least it doesn’t put on any airs.

Tuesday, March 15, 2011

As it progresses


OMG..what is wrong with her nose? She’s awfully funny looking, isn’t she?


Better. But still….not very goddess like.


Does that help? No more hair like a basset’s ears!


Some color on those cheeks! Pretty girl….she’s getting prettier!


More tinkering and she’s down on the page!


And the finished layout….now she’s a dreamy eyed Goddess!

Monday, March 7, 2011

Roller coaster

The good with the bad. Somedays I just can't control where my moods go, no matter how hard I try. Today...they're bad.

Saturday, March 5, 2011


I can't believe I forgot to put this in! Follow the Journal Fodder Junkies Challenge here: http://journalfodderjunkies.blogspot.com/

I am: A Journal Fodder Junkies Challenge

The funny thing is…I made this page yesterday BEFORE I found the challenge online. Still, I’m excited I can participate!


I am:

Awakening, vibrant, curved, my morning cup of coffee, my afternoon tea. I am covered in cat hair, loving my girls, more than morning breath. I am a good book, cold feet, liberal. I am no socks, literal, lazy in the mornings, loving working from home. I am EMOTIONAL. I am devoted. I am shy. I am eggs and bacon, confused, loving enchanted. I am warm slippers, earthy, jeans. I am a Goddess. I am poetic. I am stained knit tops, cinnamon and cocoa, fluffy. I am organic, orgasmic, long crazy nights. I am extra sugar in my tea, oatmeal with cream and butter. I am dreaming of a garden. I am a girl. I am alive and beautiful.


Who are you?

Thursday, March 3, 2011

And they called it puppy love….


I’ve applied to adopt two different basset hounds:

Lucy: http://www.petfinder.com/petdetail/18733160 and Rupert: http://www.bluegrassbassetrescue.org/animals/detail?AnimalID=3237836


I’m in love! I’m so in love with both of their faces!! I don’t know if I’ll be able to get one but I’ve got my fingers crossed!!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Eve Ensler: Embrace your inner girl

I was surfing blogs and I came across this. It's powerful stuff and it really REALLY spoke to me. I was in tears by the end of it and it made me feel guilty that in many ways I've forcefully supressed my own "inner girl" and denied her happiness. I constantly punish myself in ways that are hurtfully, physically and emotionally. Am I healed from this 20 minute speech? No. But maybe it's a start?

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

I spent the weekend in turmoil

On Thursday my dad had a heart attack. It’s been a hell of a weekend. Today, I’m back to work.


Who R U?

Well, I don’t know exactly….