I'm commited to working in this blog. In sharing the adventures I have as I venture into art, craft, life and healing from the deep scars of severe depression. I'm happy you're here looking and sharing in what is my small world.

Tuesday, March 29, 2011

Blogging along: Day 2

Holly turned me on to this: blog-along

Day Two: 29th March. Skill + 1UP

Look back over your last year of projects and compare where you are in terms of skill and knowledge of your craft to this time last year. Have you learned any new skills or forms of knitting/crochet (can you crochet cable stitches now where you didn’t even know such things existed last year? Have you recently put a foot in the tiled world of entrelac? Had you even picked up a pair of needles or crochet hook this time last year?

Tips: Don’t be abashed at admitting your own skill and progress. If possible, include pictures of projects that you gained new skills from.

So I’m joining in on day 2. I hope that’s okay!

So I haven’t really done much by way of knitting or crochet this past year. I was excited to pull up this blog as a way to share this but my focus has subtly shifted. I’m trying to think of what defined the past year and the biggest thing was it was about march last year when I heard from one doctor that nothing else could be done about my uterus, which was on something like day 100 of bleeding. I ended up having a hysterectomy in June. Despite being ready for it, I was still unprepared for the emotional impact. Even having already gone through an ablation…there’s just something so much more profoundly sad about having a part of your very identity GONE completely. I went through grieving. I am still grieving. I love babies and even though I’d convinced myself I didn’t want more….I choke up still and get upset when I’m around them. (and four of my coworkers are pregnant.) It’s so very final. I’m just 30 and that chapter of my life is closed.

This spun me back somewhat into a period of depression. Yes, I’m MOSTLY out of the worst of my depression (2008-09 being worse by far) but it’s an imperfect balance. I struggle still with hoarding tendencies and am still struck by the occasional panic attack. I digress however, what does any of THIS have to do with knitting or crocheting. It doesn’t. I just shifted focus this year to trying to do art in a different form to see if provided me with more emotional relief.

My most proud accomplishments for this years fiber arts remains becoming comfortable with crocheting. I’m proud of myself for this! I struggled and struggled with it and suddenly one day it just “clicked”. This is my one up skill and I hope to grow it further!

1 comment:

  1. Thank you for sharing your story. I wish I could give you a hug. I know how it felt when they told me it was unlikely that I'd get pregnant and it was heart wrenching. I can only imagine how it feels to still want babiDes. Do you think you'll adopt some day?

    I'm glad you're comfortable with crocheting now, it's such a cool skill to have, even as a knitter.