I'm commited to working in this blog. In sharing the adventures I have as I venture into art, craft, life and healing from the deep scars of severe depression. I'm happy you're here looking and sharing in what is my small world.

Tuesday, March 27, 2012

The best birthday gift I ever got

Was a huffy mountain bike. I was 10 years old and it was grass green and white and it was PERFECT. I wanted a mountain bike like nobodies business. A 16 speed or more. Something that I could FLY around in. Boy was I excited when my dad wheeled that baby in. I think I cried...okay. I know I did. I used to ride my bike up and down our little road in Kennewick, Washington, pretending it was everything from a horse to a motorcycle to a speeder like in Star Wars. We lived on a nice little road with minimal traffic so we could rule the road during our play time, my brother and the neighbor girls. I spent most of the day outside on that bike.

My bike riding stopped when we moved to Ohio from Washington state. So much changed in those years but on the top of the list was a change of weather (arrid dry desert heat to damp humid heat) and the hills. Add to that budding adolescence and being the new kid, and the bike stayed tucked away from then on out. I missed it, yes. But I was to shy to really give it attention, thus calling attention to myself. My play time was now mostly spent indoors and this is when the first roots of depression took hold in my life. REALLY took hold.

Fast forward to today. It's no secret I'm on this grand quest for self improvement. Part of that is wanting to recapture joy into my life, allowing myself the little luxuries I denied myself for so long, like the time to play with drawing, learing a new skill set. The time to rest properly. Excercise. Good clean food. Depression saps a lot of your life away. I can't stress this enough. It allows you to let the little things in your life crumble and deteriorate because you just can't muster up the will power to CARE. My teeth, for instance, I hadn't had them cleaned in well...years. The poor dental hygeinist when I finally worked up the courage to go in...I owe her some baloons or something. "Depression mouth", like "Meth Mouth" only...caused by atrophy of the soul.

So, I bought myself a bike. A "cruiser" for comfortable riding since my 5'4" frame is sporting a LOT of weight still. Slow and steady is how I intend to start this venture, enjoying the views I've previously missed and taking in the air. Being joyful and playful with my son, my sisters and myself. Being a part of life and the great world outside!

Of course this venture could end in the ER with broken bones but...whose thinking like that?

No comments:

Post a Comment