I'm commited to working in this blog. In sharing the adventures I have as I venture into art, craft, life and healing from the deep scars of severe depression. I'm happy you're here looking and sharing in what is my small world.

Saturday, December 25, 2010

“The Bells are ringing out on Christmas Day….”

~A Fairytale for New York by the Pogues

So it’s Christmas. The orgy of greed and presents is over and everybody has scattered off to play with their new various toys and to eat a modest breakfast of toast and coffee, a light repast before tonight’s feast of prime rib.

It seems lonely today, without my mom here. She went to Boise to stay with my grandfolks as my grandfather is having some trouble with his health. If I could have anything, I’d have them all here with us. It broke my heart in two when my grandparents moved away, right after my son was born 11 years ago. We’d always been close to them, but when we moved from Cincinnati up to Columbus, my grandparents decided they couldn’t move around any longer, and so they headed west to be close to my Aunt and Uncle, who have lived in Boise all of their adult lives and were there for much more stable than we were (and our family has moved…twice since.) We’ve always been a sort of migratory/nomadic tribe, following my dad around. Even as an adult I’ve moved to stay close to family and so having family so far away…hurts. There’s a lot of pain in our past and a lot of hurt….but through it we’ve become stronger and more unified, and more aware of how much we need each other. This is hard, as my girlfriend is also far away from me on this holiday….with her family in the South where she lives. Fate and circumstances has kept things distanced for so long. And family. She’s as needing of her family as I am of mine. Ah….such is life. It’s not easy, being so far apart and I ache all the time wishing for something to be different. To have all those I love close at hand.

That’s really all I want in this world.

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